Out of control. I am at my desk at work with tears streaming down my face and I wish I could coherently explain why. I just got a call from J's daycare/preschool. She is complaining that her back hurts. And who can blame the kid, she just had major back surgery 10 days ago. My baby is hurting and I can't be with her because I am here. Shortly after that, I login to Facebook. A friend of mine posted a video of her daughter being suprised at school by her dad who had been deployed to Iraq for the last year.
More tears, but this time for a different reason. These were happy tears for my friend and her family for surviving a journey that too many people are going through, for reasons that just aren't good enough.When did being an adult become so damn hard? Why does it hurt so much to be a parent? One of the greatest rewards in the universe comes with a seering pain that creeps up more often than I would like.
It kills me that I can't take the pain away from my baby. Depiste being attentive, conscientous, and loving that she is still in pain from something the doctors nor I can control or predict. I hate that she can't just sit through a preschool lesson on letters and counting without the throbbing pain reminding that her back is hurting. She is in pain. And she has gone through an ordeal more times than is fair, eduring more than I ever have had to.
I keep telling myself it will get better, but it hasn't. It is hard to remain positive and looking on the bright side when we don't end up on the bright side, we end up going down the same road again and unfortunately, it is a bumpy one.
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