And it changed my life...

I think everyone should have a book or books that changed their life. The written word is incredibly powerful. I encountered this book when I took a Family Violence course a few semesters ago. I took the class to fill a credit, not knowing it would change my life. The instructor warned us on the first day to drop the class if we were not prepared to delve deep into some disturbing material and that in order to gain a real understanding of what we were studying we would need to look deep within ourselves. I kind of blew it off, thinking that I look within on regular basis, that it wouldn't be too much for me to take on. I was so wrong.

We examined violence from traditional means; physical abuse, psychological abuse, and sexual abuse. Where I was not prepared to go, was in in depth examination of emotional abuse. It took so much out of my classmates and me to discuss in great length yelling, put downs, control, disgust and emotional manipulation. When you critically examine your life experiences it is then that you realize just how much the "small" things effect your self-perception and perception of others (especially what they think of you).

We read a few different books in this class. Several centered around extreme violence and managing hate. The one that changed me was this one "Parenting From the Inside Out." What this parenting book does that others seem to lack is acknowledge that you will make mistakes. It provides methods of correcting those mistakes (aka- repair mechanisms). They have been invaluable to me. It provides you with the steps you need to take when you do make a mistake. Apology and Accountability. Apologize to your child when you have stepped out of bounds, "Say you are sorry when you hurt someone." We expect this of our kids, why wouldn't we expect this of ourselves? Then, be accountable. Take responsibility, own 'fault' for what happened and fix it. Both of these have been difficult for me and its still can be a daily struggle when life is getting in the way of what really matters.

I never want my kids to feel like my shortcomings are their fault. It is so easy for little minds to not know how to take things and feel like they are to blame. Since they don't understand those feelings, they just continue to carry them with them. And really, who can blame them? A child isn't fully psychologically developed until they are in their late teens. Some things in the world are too much for them, that is why they have parents as a constant until then. My copy of this book is battered, highlighted, earmarked, etc. Its likely before my kids are raised I will need a new copy.